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DokBrowne [ 1.0 ]
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“Unbelievable”, “I’ve Got the Power”, “Never Let You Go” (?), tons of once-trendy dance tunes, and in the beginning, Gloria Gaynour's "I Will Survive", which was a particularly questionable marketing ploy considering all the coverage it's already getting in the trailers for The Replacements (and I'm certain, or at least deeply hopeful that it will be more enjoyable in the Keanu Reeves comedy). These are the songs that spring unfavorably to mind when I think of Coyote Ugly, a movie that...oh God, I can't believe I'm going to use my own fingers to type this phrase...is not as bad as I thought. Uggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh, my soul has been besmirched
Lest you think I've sold out as a critic, let me offer this superlative – Coyote Ugly is the worst movie of the year, not to mention repeatedly idiotic and forgetful of its own plot, and that it doesn't make a single move that I could not predict. The whole thing is just an excuse to glorify lewd, half-naked bar-dancing whores. And lest you think I’ve sold out as a heterosexual, let me assure you that there’s nothing on display here that you wouldn’t find in more graphic detail on network TV. Piper Perabo is our protagonist (not by choice, though I wish it had been so I could have selected someone else). She is such a loser. I mean no disrespect to one of my friends who really likes her, but she can't act, she whines a lot, and as the "sexy" heroine just didn't cut it. I accept her, ultimately, because I'm so naive and easy to please that she ever-so-mildly grew on me. But there's so little she has to offer. John Goodman was better of course, as everyone will (and has been) saying, because he is the comic relief and the big softy with whom we always sympathize, but when you think about it during the serious scenes, it becomes impossible to reward him too much in that “only shining light in the darkness of a bad movie” way, because of the evil he encourages. He participates in the profanely bad pre-climactic moment wherein Violet (that’s Perabo; she’s his daughter) has reached a low point and is ready to give up, so he has to set things straight about her mom – who died a few years ago but, like Piper, went to the Big Apple to make it big but was overcome by stage fright – and how she wasn't afraid after all, contrary to what she told Piper when she was a child (and which Piper can't stop mentioning to everyone), but that instead she sacrificed her dreams for him, because he let her give up when she was feeling down on her luck, not knowing it was the wrong thing to do (deep breath now so I can continue with the nonsense)…so he doesn't want that to happen again and he's not going to let Piper give up and on and on until I desperately wanted to bean him with a tape of The Big Lebowski and yell "What the fuck are you doing?!" But then he does a comical dance on the bar at the very end, so all is temporarily forgiven
Other stuff that pissed me off: bad bad dialogue, a shameless exploitation of the girls’ sexuality – and hey, I’m a guy so I should appreciate this, except the movie is reduced to PG-13 generics to secure the big weekend profits, which translates to no nudity, just some hip-shaking and navel-gazing. Packed between the handful of bar scenes is something like 75 minutes of uninteresting plot concerning the trials and tribulations of Violet in the big city, trying to overcome her stage fright and woo the Australian fellow and later, justify her new profession to Goodman like any episode of “Roseanne” except without that show’s hatred. As the boyfriend, Adam Garcia is a friendly guy. Small pleasures in a horrible movie, like how one acquires a taste for human flesh after a week of being stranded in the Alps. It was a bit less unpleasant in this case, though.
What persuaded me to write "this isn't as bad as I thought" is Garcia and how I was pathetically uplifted by the happy moments in the movie, when everything is in high spirits. About two-three of these moments take place and I liked them somehow, despite detesting everything else. Nevertheless, whenever you keep a tally on how often you vigorously roll your eyes (mine peaked at 9), you know you’re not watching Merchant Ivory. Rolling my eyes was just one of many expressions of discomfort and irritation I employed while hunkered down in my seat amidst all the entertained idiots surrounding me, though. It’s when I wasn't covering my face up in embarrassment for being apart of this experience, or when I sighed in grief, or when I winced at the sound of a packed theater laughing at something unintentionally lugubrious, or...
Just two more petty squabbles and I promise to wrap this up: 1) LeAnn Rimes dubs over Violet's singing voice, and it amused me in all the pomp and circumstance of my jerkness how no one in the audience realized this. Actually, it just amused me that Jason didn't. Rimes makes a cameo at the end, which I found odd, since she sings, and it sounded exactly like Violet sounded throughout the whole movie...But to be fair to the morons with whom I attended the 5:10 showing, it was difficult to make that connection over the loud barroom, where another song was already playing in the background, and all the patrons were shouting, and the sound effects of bottles and shot glasses were clinking around. And 2) The angle of Tyra Bank's character is that she's off to law school, so she quits Coyote Ugly, but in the last scene, the "2 months later" flash forward where we see how everything's turned out all right, she's up on the bar dancing with the ladies. Hello? Didn't she quit? Whatever
Anyway...the movie sucked like I knew it would, but I ended up sparing it from a zero because of a couple superficial perks
P.S. The song Violet composes, “Can’t Fight the Moonlight” (probably a real tune by LeAnn) isn’t bad. Nor is the titillating bar dancing, or the crackerjack bottle-stylings. Nothing good enough to provide a saving grace, but worth noting
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jeff_v [ 5.0 ]
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By any critical standards, this is a terrible film, but it is successful at doing what it intends, which is to show us a bunch of hot chicks dancing around, occasionally pouring water on each other. And what's so wrong with that?
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JD [ 2.5 ]
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Every year there's far too many teenie bopper movies that seem to impress the masses. All this film is, is a showcase of a few new pretty faces and bodies. There is absolutely no plot so you're better off watching an episode of Teenage Witch.
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Love_Spoon [ 4.0 ]
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Somewhat a Cocktail except with performing beautiful women instead of Tom Cruise and Bryan Brown. Aspiring musician Piper Perabo dreams of making it big in the music business, so she crosses the river from New Jersey into New York City hoping for a break. In the meantime, there are bills-so she takes a job at Coyote Ugly the most fab nightspot in the city. The women dance around on the (slippery?) bar, decry the drinking of water, sing with the jukebox, and spin bottles around like revolvers. The conflict of the story has to do with the rough-and-ready bar owner (Maria Bello, who seems a bit too cynical) and the disapproval of Perabo's father (John Goodman) with her dancing around and bartending. Everything works out, however, when Perabo finally learns to tend bar, her father visits the bar and sees what she does for a living, and she gets the chance to perform a song or two of her own in front of an audience. Seems like one of those films from the 40s about theyoung girl who goes to the big city looking for a shot at stardom-with New York substituted for Hollywood and the music industry substituted for the silver screen. Wildly popular in certain circles, but don't expect too much if you go see this one.
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Cookeyface [ 8.5 ]
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I liked this movie. About a girl named Violet who moves to New York to begin her music career as a song writer. Her money was stolen and then later begins to work in a bar called "Coyote Ugly". Very good a must see!
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jellybean2 [ 8.5 ]
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I dont know about the other reviewers, but i must say that i thoroughly enjoyed this movie! It had an entertaining plot to it. I admit, the film was a bit predictable, but rather entertaining in that way. The dances were great, and the diversity of the characters was well suited to provide for more entertainment. One of the best movies ive seen this year and a must for any music loving person. See it!! Its worth it!!!
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goatboy5747 [ 10.0 ]
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This is one of those Unique movies that come along and everyone thinks will be a flop and so they make it seem that way before they even see the movie, i own the video and love it i watch it at least once a week, and never get tired of it, i personnally this cast of Newbies has proven themselves worthy of the Hollywood Life of more famous celebrities,
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| Weighted Rating | : 5.2 |
| No. Ratings | : 15 | |
| No. Reviews | : 9 | |
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